Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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