She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
