you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
