She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
