Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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