My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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