Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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