She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
