She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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