I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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