scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
