This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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