butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
