my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
