This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
HEβS PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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