It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
