we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
