using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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