new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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