I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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