Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
