Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
