so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
