You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
