butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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