Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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