If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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