I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
