I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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