I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
