and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
