dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
