You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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