I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Never underestimate the power of titties
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
