I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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