One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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