Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
