my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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