what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
