I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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