what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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