that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
