I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish I only lived at night.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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