I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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