I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
