it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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