Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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