Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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