i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
