You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
