This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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