Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
