tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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