I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need water and some morals
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
