Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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