Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
