Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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