Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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