The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
